Before I arrived, even as I was still
getting settled in, I had all these thoughts in my mind about
teaching the kids all these cool things that they had never heard of.
I kind of forgot a couple of things pertaining to kids. First, just
because you know something that they don't, doesn't mean that they
will think it is cool. Second, unless it concerns their current life
– which nothing in school does because a kid's life is fun and
games, usually – they don't care a whole lot. They don't care
beyond the point of them being at school (because they have to be
there). This was hard for me to realize/see, because I have actually
always liked school. Yes, that is abnormal. Third, it's very key that
the kids respect you. Lastly, kid's need love. The kind of love that
is obvious, in kindness and smiles and laughter.
This last one is probably first on the
list of “Need to Do Better.” I believe that the respect comes
only after a kid knows that you care for them. Otherwise, that would
be first. I think it's safe to say that the way I show “love” is
not in an obvious way. I'm sure there are many that could agree.
By time first quarter was over, I felt
like I was ready to start adventuring within the class. I had
observed when I arrived, and so I was just going the same way until
the quarter was over. Then I was going to start fresh. That felt
good. At this point I started coming up with those new and creative
ideas that I mentioned. The “Trash for Treasure” was one of them.
When I came up with a new idea, say for homework, or for something
for the kids to do in class, I would get excited about it. Thinking
ahead, “This will be better; the kids will really like it.” Then,
the worst happens, it is a complete failure. Talk about crushing
one's hopes and dreams; kids can do it very well. I learned after a
couple of failures that I was very vulnerable when I came up with a
new idea for class. I would be all excited, and then it wouldn't work
out. This made me really sad, and sometimes angry. It might not work
out for many reasons. For good or for bad, I narrowed it down to
ungratefulness.
It's true, I feel, that many of these
local kids are very ungrateful. Some are worse than others. Even now,
though, I realize that it might not fully be ungratefulness. They are
kids and so they don't tend to think about the consequences –
whether good or bad. When presented with a new thing, they judge it
for its current value, which could be based on how fun it is right
now, especially relative to what they want to be doing at that time.
So, when the kids come back from Computer, they are rowdy, and really
needing PE, most don't want to sit down and learn how to draw their
initials to look 3D – at least not right at that moment. Eventually
they may settle down, but again, that is dependent on the focus of
their short attention spans.
I've realized and learned, that it
really helps if they know that you mean well for them. In my
slowly-fading way of showing the kids that I care for them, they
weren't really seeing it. I figured they would be just as excited
about my new ideas. They would see that I care for them by how I was
teaching them, by the new things I was coming up with. I didn't
consciously think about this. It's just something that was automatic.
I think it was somewhere during
Christmas break that I realized that the kids didn't feel that I
cared for them. I could tell by the lack of respect and kindness.
Coming to the end of second quarter, it was pretty well falling
apart. I also can tend to be very serious and apathetic when I want
something done. Again, this came naturally. If the kids were
complaining (unreasonably, I might add) I would become very apathetic
because I knew they could do it. As well, I've never been one for
complaining. Along with this Christmas epiphany, came the realization
that being apathetic with the kids is alac koluk
(“very bad”). Kids + Apathetic Teacher ≠
Working Teacher-Student Relationship. The more I thought about it the
more it made sense, too.
Apathy is defined
as a lack of interest in or concern for things that others find to be
moving or exciting. While apathy does have its uses, and it is still
a fun hobby, this comes right back to the kids needing to see that I
cared for them. Being apathetic showed that I didn't care at all –
kids don't usually look past face value or in depth – especially
when combined with my my no-nonsense, serious attitude. It
also helped, in dealing with my serious nature, when I realized that
I was teaching Adventure campers. Big Lakers know what age group I
mean: seven to nine. That was actually a very surprising revelation.
I still cared about the kids, in my own invisible way, but I realized
that I was focusing more on making sure that they were learning – I
was all business. I knew that they could do an assignment, and so
when they complained about it I would become very apathetic.
This quarter I've
made a dramatic improvement on the class. The kids still complain
every now and then, but not nearly as often. I thank God for my
analytical mind, and helping me realize what I was failing at. I'm
making a conscious effort to show more kindness to the kids. When I
contemplated all of that over break, it was sad to realize that I
really hadn't had a good, genuine laugh with the kids yet.
Considering class time, I really didn't smile that much, either. I'm
really trying to laugh and smile more, because kids really need that.
My
“Words of the Year” are patience and perseverance. Patience is in
a straight-up match against my serious nature. Perseverance is just
what's required when my patience is tried, and I need to remember to
smile.
I remember
pretty well the first two times that I laughed with the kids. One was
with one of my tougher boys, Logan. The other was when I was showing
the fourth-graders all the different kind of laughs that I could
think of for an English assignment. The assignment was about exact
verbs. So, instead of writing, “I laughed when Billy told a joke,”
you would write, “I giggled when Billy told a joke.” It felt
good, and they really enjoyed it.
Each week since
the beginning of the month the class environment has seemed to get
better. It is even better than it was on Monday. I'm hearing more
“Sorry, Teacher” when they do something wrong, and more respect
is being shown. Every now and then there is a lapse into an old
attitude, but we are all getting there. I'm smiling more, and having
better patience, and the kids are responding in kind.
